To You, 107 Years Later
by Mononoke-hime x sukai kurora
Summary: A human from 107 years ago, when the Titans first came, suddenly appears during the 57th expedition. With no memory of her past and lost in this new world Levi names her Luz, a name meaning light. Although most thought of her as a monster, Levi does not. Will this girl be able to find her past, accept herself, and live?
1. Prologue

_Prologue_

Footsteps.

Armin could hear them. They echoed in his eardrums, and he felt a jolt of fear as he looked back. A Titan was coming towards them. After the near-death of Reiner by the Female Titan, who was currently carrying him, Armin wasn't taking any chances. The Titan coming towards them was a 15 meter class with dark hair on top of its head and large blue eyes. It didn't appear to have intelligence. _It isn't heading to where Eren is. _Armin struggled to get out of Reiner's grasp, but to no avail. The Titan was getting closer.

"Reiner! Jean!" he yelled.

"I know!" Reiner abruptly dropped Armin on the ground, and started running towards the Titan. The Titan immediately reached its vast hand towards the soldier, but Reiner used that moment to hook his 3D Maneuver Gear into the skin. At the corner of his eye, Armin could see Jean smiling – this Titan would be easy to kill, and no one would almost die. Then it happened.

The Titan suddenly grasped Reiner in its hands, smiling its hideous smile, as Reiner started getting crushed. Reiner squirmed and in vain tried to use his swords as his lungs were squeezed together, trying to breathe. Blood started to trickle onto the grass. Soon he couldn't move, and his eyes stared, terrified, at the Titan's smiling gaze. Armin's mind was blank. _This… _he thought as Reiner started to scream as the Titan increased its grip, blood dripping onto the grass. _This…can't…be. _His legs were frozen as Jean moved towards the Titan and their comrade who they had known for three years, since their cadet days. _Reiner… _ A final scream was made when the spine was crushed. "NOO!" Blood. That was all Armin could see for a moment as Reiner was eaten. The Titan crushed the body into its mouth, blood smearing its teeth. Reiner was dead. Time seemed to stop. Armin could hear Jean shouting obscenities to the Titan as his swords were bared. Armin shakily stood, stunned, and prepared to use his 3D Maneuver Gear as tears streaked down his face. Suddenly, steam emerged from the Titan just as Jean was at the nape, and for a moment neither of them could see anything as the heat blinded them and slightly blistered their skin. Armin heard Jean shout as he fell, and Armin ran fast enough to use his body to cushion Jean's fall.

"Armin!" The blond soldier looked up blearily at his friend as Jean stood. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine…" Both of them looked towards the Titan. What had happened? The steam cleared, and Armin gasped at what remained. A human was lying on the ground. Holding their breath with their swords bared, they inched forward. The Titan – or human – didn't attack. Armin observed that the human had the same dark locks as the Titan. The eyes were closed. _Could…it be? _Torn and stained with gore, the human was wearing a uniform. Not at all like the uniform that the military wore. It was dark green with patches of lighter green and brown. It was barefoot, with sores and bruises. Armin could count numerous other bruises and cuts on the human's face, which immediately began to heal. Soon the skin was smooth as his own. _How…and who…? _Armin watched, wary, but the human didn't move. It seemed to be asleep. Looking closely at it now, Armin could see that – _it _– was shorter than him by at least five centimeters. Petite, like him. _Could this person….be like Eren? _he thought. Jean was looking at the human, stunned and his mouth gaping. _But…the Titan didn't have intelligence…so how…?_

"Let's kill the bitch!" Jean shout brought Armin out of his thoughts, his blue eyes stunned as Jean aimed his sword at the human's neck. It was only now that Armin saw the swell of the breasts. _Ah…a female._

"Wait!" Jean looked at him incredulously. "She…might be like Eren, Jean." He saw the rage and grief in his friend's eyes. "She might be able to help humanity!"

"BULLSHIT!" The single screamed word almost deafened Armin. "I…don't care…who the hell she is…or _if _would help us." A crease appeared between his eyes. "She killed Reiner, Armin! Our friend! Our comrade! How could you…" Now he approached Armin, enraged, with his sword pointed at Armin's heart. "How could you…_suggest that we spare her?" _

"I didn't say that," Armin said calmly. "I simply stated that she could be a Titan-shifter like Eren…or something else entirely." _Where did she come from? _Armin thought to himself. _And why did she turn back into a human…when she killed Reiner?_ "Erwin-_danchō_ might use her," he added to Jean. Armin could see Jean calming down. He put away his blades, and his former mask of anger and rage was replaced by emptiness and disgust.

"Fine," Jean sighed through his teeth as he slung the human over his back. He climbed on the horse. It had been Reiner's. Now… "Are you coming?" he shouted to Armin as the shorter Survey Corps member stood there in silence.

"Yes," Armin whispered. What Jean had said hurt him. He had acted as if Armin had forgotten of what happened to Reiner. _That's…not true. I saw him die…just as you did, Jean. _As his horse followed Jean's, Armin's grief from Reiner's death started to dissipate. He felt a strange calmness. _Is this what death feels like? _He studied the human on Jean's back, morose thoughts flowing through his mind.

_For some reason…I feel that my decision…is about to become something more._

_Something…greater than humanity has ever known._


	2. The Unknown

_The Unknown_

"Tch. I'm guarding another shitty brat again." Levi was once again in the dungeon. Through narrowed eyes, he watched as the culprit for his irritation slept on obliviously. Levi had been ordered to watch her. _Damn you, Erwin. _He had foolishly broken his leg saving that stupid friend of Eren's from the Female Titan. And now here he was, _useless_, watching a shitty brat sleep the day away as his comrades were fighting for their lives to retake Wall Rose. _"I trust you can keep a Titan-shifter in check even in your condition, Levi." _Levi wasn't quite certain that the brat in front of him was a _normal _Titan-shifter. For one, the Titan she had been had that stupid ridiculous face in contrast to Eren's form. For another, the brat had been clothed in weird clothing that Levi had only seen from a distant memory.

He glanced down at the sleeping figure. Dark hair framed the brat's face, reaching to only above her ears, and had skin as pale as his own. Levi studied the dark pattern on the uniform, the dark greens and browns echoing in his mind. She was shorter than him. _Barely three fucking centimeters shorter. _Levi snorted at the thought. _Still…this is better than doing fucking paperwork. _After every expedition, Levi was always given the shitty assignment of updating the status of the Survey Corps. Which meant, checking in those tiny damn boxes if a soldier from the Survey Corps was missing in action, wounded, or deceased.

Levi had finished that hell already, of course. He had already checked the shitty little boxes that told him that his squad was dead. They were never coming back. _How fucking stupid. _Levi closed his eyes, still remembering when the bodies of the fallen had been dumped onto the fallen ground _on his orders. _He saw the bodies collide onto the ground, one by one, as they would become extra snacks for the Titans. Levi remembered one body in particular. His heart clenched, the agony remaining. _The cloth fell, revealing a face with a streak of blood and copper hair, making one last goodbye… _Many people, including his subordinates, thought that Humanity's Strongest did not any human emotions inside him. That he had no heart at all. They did not know him. None of them knew how his _fragile _heart shattered into little tiny pieces as he saw the bodies of his squad.

A memory had tried to resurface, but Levi had pushed it away then. He had felt the horror mounting inside him as Petra's father kept talking. _Stop talking, _Levi had wanted to tell him. _Just fucking stop. _Now Levi reminisced about the memory he had pushed away. _Dark blood pooled around him despite the heavy cold rain. He could still hear her screams. He could still the smile of his farewell as the blood dripped onto his face as the rain in vain tried to wash it away. He could still feel the scream clawing at his throat… _Levi had felt the scream clawing at his throat again, although this time, it was much worse. Because of…

"_She could very well be the key to the past we need, Levi." Everyone else thinks she's the key to destruction_. Levi frowned, looking deeply at the sleeping brat. He remembered the faces of the former cadets when Erwin told them that they now possessed a new weapon to save humanity. Confusion etched their stupid faces until Arlert had explained what had happened.

After eating one of their comrades, the Titan had suddenly become a human. A human that came from another time, and could be as dangerous and destructive as the Female Titan. Many had been grieving for the comrade that had been eaten by the said former Titan, and expressions ranging from rage to grief to fear etched their faces. Levi had watched silently as Erwin told them that the main focus would be to capture the Female Titan. _It is fucking creepy that after eating one of their comrades that the Titan turned into a human. Or rather, turned _back _into a human, according to Arlert. There must be a requirement of some sort for a Titan turn become…a human again. Otherwise, all the stupid Titans with their stupid ridiculous faces would become humans, and what a shitty mess that would be._

At the sound of movement, Levi sharply turned his attention to the prisoner. Bleary blue eyes opened, squinting from the faint light from the dungeon. The human almost seemed drunk, her movements almost nonexistent and her eyes drifting around her. Her blue eyes suddenly drifted to him, and the human didn't shrink back from the coldness in his eyes. Suddenly, the human attempted to sit up. Her body struggled, every limb shaking, and finally she managed to sit up. It was only now that she seemed to realize she was imprisoned and chained. She blinked at the chains around her. Then she looked at Levi. It as if looking at a child, Levi decided. Her eyes were unfocused and oozed of innocence. She continued looking at him curiously.

"Who are you?" Levi barked. The human blinked. She looked down at her chains and back at him again. _Goodman it. Even Eren with the miniscule brain he has was able to answer these questions. _"What is your name?" he muttered impatiently. The brat continued to look at him without answering, taking him in as if he was "an interesting specimen" shitty four-eyes always looked at. "Great, a fucking mute," Levi muttered irritably. The human continued to look at him. _Those blue eyes definitely matched the description of the Titan that ate Reiner Braun. _Levi was about to make a snarky comment when he heard someone call his name.

"What?" he asked darkly.

"Levi_-heichō_, Eren Yeager has been rescued! Erwin-_danchō_ has sustained a critical injury, and instructs that you meet him in the hospital, sir!" _He better not die on me, _Levi thought irritably. _I've already lost too many fucking people. _The Survey Corps member saluted Levi as he walked passed as Levi remained in his morose thoughts. _I always tell them to not salute me, but they still fucking do it. _

"You are instructed to watch over the prisoner," Levi ordered. At the corner of his eye, he saw the human looking at him, her gaze never wavering.


	3. Monster

_Monster_

_ Where…am I? _The girl looked wearily around the room. Dark walls was all she could see, visible through only the pale light from the torch attached to the mass. She was chained. Her legs and arms were difficult to move. If she had tried to move them. The girl was still somewhat unconscious, although her vision had become clear, and her limbs had ceased to shake. _Who…am I?_ She had no idea. She had no memory except for waking up in this dark place, and meeting a dark-haired man with gray eyes and a sharp tongue. _What…is my…name?_

When she had asked herself that, her damaged mind had replied in silence. It remained blank. _What…is this? _The nameless girl looked closer at what she wore on her body. It was made out of some kind of cloth, and was vivid in dark greens and browns. She had nothing on her feet…expect for the chains enclosing her in her cage. The girl was aware of nothing but her thoughts. She thought back to the man who had asked her the same questions as she asked herself now, and she could not answer them. _His name is Levi… _

"Excuse me…" Her voice was raspy and hard as if she hadn't used it for a hundred years. "When is…Levi…coming back?" Her blue eyes sharply widened when she was met with a stare of pure hate. Her guard had been posted not long ago, and she hadn't heard him try to speak with her or acknowledge her existence.

"It's Levi-_heichō_, you monster." The hate in his snarl bewildered the girl. His green eyes looked at her as if she was something other than human. Something…that was evil. She closed her eyes to try to make the feeling disappear, but she could still feel his eyes on her, and the emotions flowing through him. She opened her eyes again without meeting the guard's gaze, and stared down at the chains imprisoning her hands. _Why…does he hate me? I…don't even know who I am. Or how I'm here. I have…no memories except for what I have, right now. What did I do? Did I…do something wrong? _Her breathing started to increase at these thoughts. Confusion continued to rip through her. _What…happened to me? _Her entire body continued to shake again as her thoughts become more unfocused. She could see the guard becoming more and more frightened as she continued to shake. She thought of the man who she had first seen. The only one who seemed to not fear or hate her.

"Levi…" she whimpered. Suddenly she felt a pair of strong hands squeeze her throat.

"Don't you dare defile _Heichō_'s name with your disgusting mouth, you Titan bitch!" Her breath was gone. Tears started to flame her dry eyes as she struggled to take a breath. The grip on her throat continued to tighten, and as seconds passed, she felt her sight dimming. Spittle started to collect near her mouth, and the green eyes of the guard seemed to grow ever closer…

"What the fuck is going on here?" The hands around her throat were gone in a matter of seconds, and the girl collapsed on the bed, coughing and gasping as she tried to regain her lung's function. For a couple of minutes, she could only focus on breathing again. Her sight came back, and when she looked up, she was aware of the man – Levi – standing in front of her.

"Come," he stated. The nameless girl watched him as he pulled out a key and unlocked the small cage. He stepped over towards her, and roughly touched her hands and her legs as he unlocked every chain. The chains fell, echoing eerily onto the ground. She observed the man before her as he looked back at her with an unreadable expression on his face. He was wearing a blue suit with a white shirt underneath. He also seemed to be wearing a…cravat. _How do I know that word? _The nameless girl wondered. Taking her silence for fear perhaps, the man turned to her.

"Stop shitting yourself." His gray eyes met her own blue. "You're coming with me, and you'll be protected by shitbags like him by my squad." The nameless girl watched as he moved on without her, moving in quick and assured steps. Realizing that she was being left behind, she used her slumbering legs to catch up to him. The girl noticed that his height was vastly different from the guard that had almost choked her to death. He was small, but she recognized that she was even smaller. Without turning to her to speak, he stated, "My name is Levi, the second-in-command of the Survey Corps. I am also the leader of the Special Operations Squad, who you will be protected by." These strange words echoed through her head, and questions bubbled through her mind. _Survey Corps…Special Operations Squad…Titan… _She had no idea what kind of world she had entered in.

"Why?" she asked. "Why…are you…protecting me?" _Monster… _The girl could see Levi looking at her through narrowed eyes, watching her face closely. She looked back at him, observing the dark circles around his eyes.

He didn't answer her. "Since you have no memory of who you are or where you came from…I've assigned you a name." He paused. "You will answer to Luz. That is your name." The now newly-named girl muttered the sound of the name under her breath. Her footsteps echoed along the wall as she and Levi climbed the stairs to a doorway. The girl was unprepared for what she was about to see. She blinked from the brightness shining in her eyes, and saw the blue of the sky exceeding beyond her sight. Her blue eyes stared in awe at the trees, at the birds chirping and flying in the wind, and at the grass beneath her feet.

"Stop staring." She was still captivated by the sights and did not hear him. "Luz." Her wonder was broken when she heard Levi utter her name. _My name... _She could see him eyeing her in annoyance, and heard the irritation coming from him. "No one must know you exist, so staring and gaping like the brat you are won't help you or me." He didn't wait for her to answer as he started to run. "We're meeting my team now. Come on!"

_So fast… _she thought. He was barely visible now as his running form disappeared. Suddenly, a splitting pain entered her mind. It spread through her skull and ravaged through her face. Her knees fell to the ground, and she gasped as the pain intensified. Through her one eye that was still open, a shadowy form surfaced. She couldn't see it clearly, but it seemed to be running…running away. Droplets of water, _rain_, were falling. A scream burst in her ears, a blood-curling scream that almost rendered her deaf. Then it was gone.

She gasped and her chest heaved as the sun and the sky came to her again. Sweat was pooling down her face, and her heart was felt as if it could come out of her chest. Luz – she hadn't even known she had a name before – clenched her hand to her chest. Her breathing slowed. Her heart gave the same comforting rhythm that had soothed her during that brief time in the cage. She ran. As she run, Luz was aware of how _it felt the same._ She had no recollection of why running felt so similar to her. Eventually she found herself at a cottage with Levi leaning against the doorway.

"Tch. You took you're shitty time." He opened the door without glancing her way. She was aware of a number of voices shouting at him at his arrival, and heard his quiet and slightly rasped tone as he snapped at them. She entered the room, looking at the table before her before meeting sets of eyes. They looked away. Luz was aware of Levi glancing her direction as he sat in the center of the table. _Something's…wrong. _She thought about the hateful face of the guard. _Something… _As she was sitting down beside one of the team, the dark-haired girl saw the group immediately begin to pull away.

"Levi-_heichō_, what the hell are you thinking?!"

"She'll kill us…"

Before she had any time to react, a hand pulled her from the chair and onto the floor. Green eyes smoldering with rage, and a face hard with hate flashed through her eyes before she saw a fist above her head. As it was about to go down, a single thought went through her mind.

_Oh…This again…_

* * *

_"In other words, these Titans were humans."_ Those words had made Levi's blood turn ice-cold. His neutral expression was in contrast to the horror he felt inside. His mind went through every kill he had made since joining the Survey Corps. _So… _It made him shatter inside. As he watched as his newly-formed squad squirmed from the mere presence of Luz, he wondered absently how they would react if they knew what he knew.

"_It means that the flesh I was frantically cutting was a part of humans… Then it means I've been killing people right and left…until now?" I'm no better than him, _he had thought then. _I've murdered…countless innocents…as I could have murdered her. _He watched through lidded eyes as he watched Eren above the said girl. _These fucking foolish brats don't know that the true monsters are actually us. _Just as Eren was about to jam his fist into the girl's cheek and shatter the bone, Levi grasped his wrist, _hard_, and twisted. The gasps coming from him echoed in the room as Levi spoke in a toneless voice.

"You fucking idiots, you're supposed to protect her, not kill her." He put more pressure on Eren's wrist as the brat continued to gasp in pain. "She is your comrade. Understood?"

Levi's eyes grew dark in anger as one of the brats again stated the same shit as before.

"Monsters are ones who pick on the weak," he drawled. "Am I correct? I don't see any monsters here…except for all of you."


	4. Human

_Human_

She untangled herself from Eren's limbs and stood frozen as the scene before her continued. Levi was holding Eren's wrist tightly as gasps of pain escaped from the boy who had looked at her with hate. She faintly heard Levi's words in her ears. _"Monsters are ones who pick on the weak, am I correct? I don't see any monsters here…except for all of you." _It seemed that only a few of the people in the room pondered his words, however. A tall young man with light brown hair with a long face frowned lightly, and a pair of bright blue eyes followed Luz, staring at her curiously. The others looked at her in fright.

"But…Levi-_heichō_…she used to be a Titan! A Titan!" Luz could see a girl with long dark brown hair stare at her with wide eyes, her entire body shaking. "She could kill us," the girl whispered as she began to cry.

_…Titan? _Luz thought. _What's…a Titan? _Luz frantically backed away as the one who had almost beaten her – Eren – moved forward to her. Levi, who had let him go, stared at both of them expressionless. "You're of the same kind that killed so many innocent people," he hissed. Anger poured from him. "You're…the ones that caused so many lives to be cut short, and for others' lives to be nothing but hell!" His spit dribbled onto her face as his voice continued to rise in volume, and Luz's eyes widened as Eren continued to step closer. "You're nothing but a monster!" _Stop…please… _"A monster, that's what you are!"

"Eren!" Luz glanced briefly to see the blond young man who had looked at her curiously spoke in a soft voice. "She's no different from who you are. You both can transform into a Titan." Disappointment echoed in his voice. "She's the same as you, Eren."

"No, she's not, Armin!" The green eyes that had been smoldering with rage intensified with each second. "I don't eat people…" he whispered. "But she _does_! She _ate_ people! Humans!" _Me…? _Luz could hear the words he had said, but the words had no meaning to her. She stared at her surroundings in confusion. Despair started to mount inside her as Eren continued to rave and rant. _Me…a Titan? How…? _"She _ate_ people, just like my mother and our comrades!" _I…don't understand. _Luz was terrified by the frightened eyes around her. Anger was growing. _I… _Suddenly she felt the familar pull of a hand around her shirt. Tears started to pool down her face as she stared into the rage and hate of the young man before her.

"I…don't…understand…" she whispered. She could taste the tears in her mouth. "What...is…a Titan?" The tears stung, and she had to close her eyes as she trembled. "Why do you…hate me?" Luz gasped when she felt the grip that held her release, and she landed hard on the ground.

"A Titan is a creature that _eats_ people for the pleasure of it!" _Someone…please… _She felt the tense air around her. Despair was digging into her throat. The tears that had suddenly stopped flowed free again as she looked on in fear. "Like _you_! How many people have you eaten? Hundreds?! Thousands?! Maybe…you even ate Levi's squad!" _Help me… _A sharp crack entered the air just as a fist was aimed at Luz's face. Luz stared in shock as Eren dropped to the floor unconscious. Levi was beside the young man, looking unconcerned as everyone looked at him in shock.

"Eren!" Luz saw a young woman with black hair with a red scarf stand up from her chair, staring angrily at Levi and agitated as she looked at the unconscious form of Eren. She was stopped from running towards the boy from a quick whispered word from the boy named Armin.

"This bullshit ends here." The coldness in Levi's voice was apparent. He stared at the group in front of him, and glanced back at Luz for a moment. "Maybe I should tell you a story…so that way you'll stop shitting yourselves. As you all now," he slightly stated with irritation in his voice, "a Titan appeared during the 57th expedition, and devoured Reiner Braun. Apparently all of you forgot one shitty detail. Reiner was revealed to be the Armored Titan when the Colossal Titan was revealed. This brat you shit yourselves over appeared once she devoured him, and turned _back _into a human, according to shitty-four eyes and Armin. I don't give a fuck where the brat came from, but shitty-four eyes believes that this person came from the past. Meaning, 107 years ago, the year the Titans came."

There were audible gasps from the room. Suddenly the group was looking at Luz in awe and curiosity.

"Why do you say that, Levi-_heichō_?"

"Her uniform is different from ours. It's strikingly similar to the uniforms of the soldiers that first fought the Titans depicted in your textbook that you read when you were even shitter brats." Luz could see Levi glancing over what she wore. "Unfortunately, she has no memory whatsoever. Like Eren, she had no memory of being a Titan. She even has the nerve to tell me she doesn't remember her own name from the blank stare she had when she woke up from her so-called nap."

Although his tone was rough, Luz could not feel any negative emotions coming from him. He didn't fear her. He didn't even hate her. "I will tell you this one more fucking time. The brat – whose name is Luz – is a person you are supposed to protect along with Eren and Historia, _not _fucking yourselves over the fact that she was a Titan with a stupid ridiculous face. She is human. Is that understood?" Slowly, the members of the squad nodded. Someone even pulled up the chair that had fallen over during the fight, and allowed Luz to sit near Levi. Eren was lied to rest in the chair that had been previously occupied by a Survey Corps member named Hanji, who Luz recognized as "shitty four-eyes."

"Well, a lot has happened during this short period of time, but our original objective has not changed." Although the topic of conversation had changed, Luz's mind was revolving around the information she had received. _I…used to be…a Titan. _She now knew what a Titan was now, and acutely understood the horror that the guard and the squad that was supposed to protect her, felt.

Emptiness overtook her as she continued to think. _I've…been doing this…for 107 years… _Inside she was screaming. _…107 years… _Luz could feel the voices echoing around her, but paid no attention to them. _"A monster, that's what you are!" _Luz felt sickness creep in her throat, but she didn't dare open her mouth. She had no idea what would happen if she did.

An hour later, she was in a small room with clothes displayed on the frayed bed before her. She looked at them with an emotionless gaze, and touched the fabric without feeling it.

"Eren's awake." Luz turned to find Historia watching her as she stood with the door open. "I thought you might want to know." Luz heard the door close behind her, and glanced back as Historia looked briefly at the clothes before looking dully at the sunlight. "Those were my clothes before I joined the military. I hope you'll put them on." Luz observed the member of Levi's squad before her. She was small, even smaller than her. She had light hair in contrast to her own dark, and had dull blue eyes that seemed to see nothing but despair. After changing into a worn blue shirt and light brown pants, she felt Historia's hand on her own as she handed a heavy green cloak with a hood to her. Luz stared at the symbol on the back. It appeared two wings, one white and one blue, were about to take flight.

"You'll need this," Historia stated.

"Why?" Luz looked back to see Historia open the door, and without any emotion in her voice, she said, "To hide your face. You look like you need to cry." The door closed behind her.

It was now night. Luz couldn't see anything in the sky. There was no moon or stars. She was wearing the Survey Corps cloak. Her face was hidden by the hood. It was only then that she allowed herself to cry. Although sobs were tearing at her throat, Luz knew that she had to be quiet. She sobbed inside as tears flowed down her cheeks and dripped on the grass beneath her feet.

"Are you okay?" She turned at the sound the familiar voice. Armin was holding a candle, illuminating his face. He walked down towards her as she continued to stare at the sky.

"I don't hate you, you know." His words were quiet and somewhat wistful. "Without even realizing it, you helped humanity. If…Reiner had still been alive, there would be many more casualties than the ones we currently had when we rescued Eren from beyond Wall Rose. I thank you for that." Luz didn't reply, but saw that Armin's expression was genuine. "You know, even though I don't hate Titans like Eren, I'm…glad that I got to meet someone as admirable as Levi-_heichō_ and Erwin-_danchō _despite the tragic circumstances surrounding the meetings. I wouldn't have met Jean, either, or everyone else."

"So…you think…that moments of happiness outweigh the bad memoires?" Luz whispered. "You believe…that a tragedy can actually be a…blessing or turn into something great?"

"I believe so, yes." Luz felt a small warm hand on her shoulder, and could somehow feel Armin's smile in the darkness.

"I'm truly glad I met you, Luz." Then he existed into the cottage, leaving the night behind.

"You're supposed to not exist, so why are you here?" Luz started at the sound of Levi's voice. She didn't even know he was there. She could hear his quiet breath as he stood beside her.

"Levi-_heichō_…" she whispered. "I…"

"Call me by my name," he interrupted. Although she could not see his eyes in the darkness, Luz could feel his gaze on her face. "I don't need another brat calling me by a shitty title." Silence descended, leaving the world in its coldness.

"I should have fucking told you the truth before my new squad shit themselves." There was a slimmer of emotion in his voice. "Did you understand what we were talking about?" he asked.

"No…" Luz whispered. "I…still have so many questions."

"Then don't ask me," Levi stated with slight irritation. "Bother Armin. I don't have the patience to answer every question in your miniscule brain."

"Levi?"

What, brat?"

"Do you…miss your squad?"

Luz swallowed, aware of the fact that she was taking a risk. She heard Levi take a deep breath.

"And what of it?" Luz could hear a slight rasp in his voice.

"You wouldn't be holding your breath if you didn't care for them…and you wouldn't be avoiding my eyes right now." _How do I know all this? It feels…that I know what he's feeling._ "…And I'm sorry…if I ate them."

She heard Levi snort. "That was stupid Eren talking with his foot up in his ass. He didn't know what he was talking about." Suddenly his voice became less harsh. "You didn't eat them, Luz. I would have killed you before you opened your eyes if you did."

"So…you _did _care about them." Levi made no comment.

"Are…you happy that you knew them…even when they died?" she asked.

"I've never known fucking happiness," Levi snapped. "And neither do you." He turned away towards the cottage as Luz stared back at him as the door closed, her gaze never leaving.

Then she too went back inside.


	5. Nightmare

_Nightmare_

Luz was washing the morning dishes with Historia. It was early in the morning, the sun shining in the windows. The now-lukewarm water soothed her palms, and the simply do this work was strangely comforting. In the back of her mind, Luz could hear a soft tune in her ears. It was sweet and soft, and somehow…familiar.

"I wish I was like you, Luz." The dark-haired girl turned towards Historia, who was looking at the distance with an emotionless gaze. "With no memoires." She sighed. "That way, I might be able to live." Luz stared at Historia, who seemed unaware of her gaze. Or…perhaps it didn't matter to her. As with the rest of the squad, Luz had heard the lonely history of the young woman before her. Historia had been born out of wedlock and had been shunned by the only family she had. She lived in a world composed of only loneliness and emptiness. Her mother had wished upon her violent death that her daughter hadn't been born. Historia had only met her father once when her mother had been killed, and been spared only upon the promise that she would live a lie and a life that was not hers. For a time, Luz too had been Historia. She too had wanted to forget her memories that seemed to be nothing but pain and sorrow. Luz had almost been killed twice since she had woken up from this new world, and she only knew that she was a monster. Every time when she wanted to forget, Luz remembered what Armin had told her. She thought of Levi, and of how he had lost his squad. _Somehow…I get the feeling that he would agree._

"But you have some happy memoires, right? The memories that overtake the bad ones." Looking as Historia's eyes widened at her words, Luz could see a knowing look in the other girl's eyes. _She's thinking about Ymir. _ Luz had heard Ymir's name mentioned.

"I think that if you have happy memories…even if they are few or even brief…they outweigh the bad memories. Making it so you can live. If you hold onto your happy memories and think about them in times of chaos like it is now…I think…it makes a person want to live more." Luz paused, pondering. "But then…what makes me want to live? I have no memories at all. Not even happy ones. So what makes me live? I suppose it's only human instinct…to live despite not knowing why." Luz could feel Historia's gaze burn into her own.

"But…Armin makes you happy, right?" Luz turned. "I heard you talking last night."

_She's talking about that time, _Luz thought.

_Luz opened the door to the cottage. Levi was nowhere to be found. She was aware of the darkened space. It all seemed quiet. As she walked to where she would sleep, Luz observed there was a faint light in the room across from her. Turning the doorknob silently, she opened the door to the light. Armin was reading by the candlelight. The glow of the candle illuminated his face. Luz saw that there was a twin bunk bed in the room compared to the other room she had been in. A small ladder almost obscured the sleeping face of Jean. Luz recognized him as the few who had listened to Levi, and saw that the seriousness on his face had crumbled to peace. Luz was careful not to disturb him. Armin looked up in surprise when he saw Luz sitting in front of him._

"_Luz? What are you doing here?"_

"_I…want you to tell me…about your world." She registered the surprise and later the pleasant look in his eyes._

"_I'd be happy to." And so he talked and she listened even after the light went out._

"It's not like that," Luz whispered as she focused on washing the dishes again. "He just told me about his world. That's all."

* * *

"You have to transform back into a Titan." The words coming from Levi's mouth were emotionless. Luz looked blankly at him, her brain not yet registering his words. An acid feeling crept in her throat and she swallowed thickly when Luz realized what Levi wanted her to do. She was in a field. Soon after finishing the morning chores with Historia, Levi had ordered her and his squad to come with him to the fields. Trees complete with dark green pine needles surrounded her, and she was in a deep ravine. Although she knew that the squad and several other Survey Corps members were there in the mountains to make sure that she and Eren didn't go berserk, Luz was aware that those same members had been looking at her with hate only a single day ago.

Luz stared at Levi. His bored gray eyes bored into her own frightened ones, and she saw that Eren was looking at her with an irritated expression. They had told him that he would have to wait until Luz transformed until they began his experimentation. _I…can't…do this. _Luz's breaths started to come out in uneven gasps as she flashbacked to the shouts and screams of the day before. _Monster…monster…monster… _The single word echoed in her ears, making it impossible to focus on anything else. _If I…transform…all of what they said will come true._ Luz bit her lip and closed her eyes in desperation tohalt the tears.

"Calm down." Luz gasped and opened her eyes. Levi was before her, his expression cool and collected. His gray eyes observed her own, which were finally leaking tears. "You need to do this."

"I…can't!" Luz yelled. "I can't," she stated more quietly. "If…I do…I'll be nothing more than a _monster_ again!" Luz put her hands over her mouth to not let her sobs escape. "I'll…_eat _people again! And…"

"What matters is not what people think of you, but what you think of yourself." Luz's tears stopped. "What do you think of yourself? That's what matters." The fear pounding in her heart seemed to slow as she took in what Levi was trying to tell her. She looked at him, his dark circles under his eyes and his frowning mouth. "Do you see yourself as a monster?" Luz didn't reply. "Well, brat?"

"I…don't know." The breath was coming easily out of her now. She could breathe. "I don't know…what I am."

"Then we're in deep shit then." She was suddenly aware of his hands on her shoulder. _Surprisingly…gentle… _Luz thought. "No one ever knows how it'll turn out," he told her quietly. "So, choose yourself whichever decision you regret the least." Then he leapt forward from her and landed above the ravine. She aware of the eyes on her, observing her. She stared at Eren, his green eyes flashing, a vague expression of sympathy on his face. Luz glanced at the squad leader named Hanji, who was looking at her with excitement and glee. _Everyone else is looking at me in apprehension. Well...almost everyone. It doesn't matter now, though. "You have to create a self-inflicted wound in order to turn back into a Titan, Luz. You must have a clear goal if the transformation is successful. If my hypothesis is correct, the catalyst for Titan-shifting should be the same as Eren's!"_

Pain hit her nerves as her teeth broke her skin. Blood flowed into her gums and steadily onto the ground. A change settled within her, making her blood boil. _Transform! _Luz heard the screams. They were the only sound she was aware of. Her vision faded to black. She could feel the sound of crushing bones and the sound of cracking limbs and of blood…entering her mouth. Luz could hear the screams. She heard the tears and the sobs.

"_Okaasan…!"_

"_Maman, ne me quitte pas!" _

"_Hilfe, Vater!"_

"_Detene, por favor! _

"_Haji…! Je-bal!"_

"_Zostaw mnie w spokoju!"_

"_Stop…! Oh god, oh god, please…stop! Stop it!"_

"_Mum! Don't die!"_

"_AAAHHH!"_

The screams and the voices destroyed her mind. Luz kept hearing them. She kept hearing more….and more. They increased in volume and desperation. The sobs and screams drowned out the concept of time. The darkness started to dissipate, allowing sight to appear again. But she saw the faces. She saw them as they died. Crying faces. Sobbing and screaming faces. Frightened and stunned faces. Eyes filled with fear or despair or emptiness. Eyes filled with hatred. She saw the faces over and over again, the screams engulfing her. The blood, echoing in her mind. She saw as time passed. The people speaking…_languages_…ceased to exist after a time, replaced by soldiers wearing uniforms that Levi wore. She saw their deaths as well. They seemed far more gruesome than the ones before. Perhaps because they cursed and raved and fought as they died. Luz became numb with the scenes. The bodies echoed in her eyes, but she didn't feel anything. It seemed that the blood was drowning her. She could taste the metallic feeling in her mouth. It never left.

Then she saw him. A tall young man with fierce eyes and stubbed blond hair. She felt his bones creak and break, and blood dripping from his wounds…and she saw him die. Luz saw the faces again. All over again. _I… _The screams and crying never left her. _I… _Their blood coated her. _I… _Spasms shook through her as she realized the terrible, horrifying truth. _I…did this. I…ate people. Killed them. _Her eyes widened and her mouth gaped, gasps and half-made screams coming through her. _I…was a Titan. _Suddenly there was a flash before her eyes. The back she had first seen after she had woke appeared before her. Walking. She could vaguely see the face. Luz reached out, trying to desperately grab whatever was left of her sanity. She saw him turn. Her eyes widened even more as she stared at herself. No, not herself. The hair was same. So was the eye color and the almond-shaped eyes. But this person was taller, and had an even thinner face than she. Luz opened her mouth, the name on her lips just as a scream overwhelmed her. _His _scream. _I did this… _Luz thought as hysterical sobs tore through her. _I…killed them all… I killed them all! _Falling into unconsciousness, she escaped from the hell that she had witnessed.

She gasped deeply when she awoke. Her breath was quick, and she was panting and holding the blanket tight in her hands, her head bowed. Only the sounds of her heavy breathing echoed in the room.

"You're awake." Luz snapped her head up and saw Levi sitting on the bed across from her. He didn't seem to notice the barely-focused gaze of the girl before him, or of how her hands stayed limply by her sides. "You took your fucking time."

"Levi, be nice." Luz saw the squad leader Hanji walk towards her, and she flinched. Her breathing started to become erratic again. She would not look in the squad leader's brown eyes.

"What happened?" The question only made Luz panic, and she closed her eyes in attempt to stop the emotions she was feeling. Her lip was bleeding, and her nails almost cut into the sheet covering her. "Luz?" The girl gave a small whimper when she felt a hand placed on her head. "What happened?" Luz attempted to struggle away, but Hanji-_san _was firm. "What happened?"

"_I saw them die!" _Luz screamed. She opened her eyes to find Hanji-_san _and the other present members of Levi's squad stare at her in stunned silence. "I…I…" Tears clouded her eyes, and blood dripped onto the sheet as she continued to gnaw on her lip in an attempt to swallow the scream clawing at her throat. "I killed them all!" She started to scream and cry as the others watched, fear and uncertainty plaguing their eyes. "I killed…them all." She sobbed. As her sobs continued to increase in volume, Luz felt a hard hand on her shoulder.

"Shut up," Levi growled. "I can't understand what you're saying with all that fucking blubbering!" He pulled his hand away. Luz felt nothing but emptiness as the tears that she had shed dried. The despair that had pulsed through her body was gone. She felt like an empty shell.

"I…_was _a Titan." Her voice held no emotion. "I…did kill people. I _ate _them. When…I transformed back, I saw everything. I saw all the people I had eaten. Heard their cries and screams. I…saw every face of the people….that had their lives cut short because of _me_. I saw them die. I…" The emotions were coming back with a vengeance. Her voice rasped. "I killed…_all _of them. The thousand of faces that I saw…I ate them. Please…" Luz begged. She took a hold of Levi's shirt and pulled him closer to her. "Please…don't make me go through that again. Please! I'll do anything to not go through that _hell_ again! Please…" Luz sobbed. Tears steadily dripped onto Levi's shirt. "Please…Levi…don't make me go through that hell again…"

For a moment all was silent. The only sound in the room was Luz's cries. Then, Levi pulled the hands of the said girl away from him.

"Okay," he stated. Through swollen eyes, Luz saw the others stare in shock.

"But Levi –"

"She will be a liability to us if she loses consciousness every time when she transforms. We need someone who can actually use the power, and someone who is not afraid of it. Although," he stated wryly, "that can only go so far." Levi looked at Luz who was currently drying her eyes. "You gave us an even shittier situation than Eren did, brat. You will use your power, but not today. Instead, someone here will teach you how to use 3D Maneuver Gear and battle tactics." He looked at Luz with an unreadable expression on his face. "Is that understood?"

"Armin…said that you were the best at using 3D Maneuver Gear, so could you…teach me?" Luz asked. Levi's annoyed gaze turned to Armin, who was staring at the floor in embarrassment. She could see others looking at her and at Levi, with expressions ranging from bemused to wounded.

"Is this true what you said, Armin?" Levi barked.

"Yes, Levi-_heichō_."

"_I want to make it so…everyone doesn't think I'm…a monster," Luz had murmured at the end of the conversation. "Could you teach me…how to use that thing?" She pointed to the bulky equipment by the bed._

"_3D Maneuver Gear?" Armin stated. "No…I'm not really that good at that myself," he said sheepishly. "But Levi-_heichō _is amazing! He's the best at using the 3D Maneuver Gear. You should ask him."_

"Very well," Levi stated. "I'll train the brat." He stood, and looked back at his new student. "We don't have much time at all. I will train you for two days. It took these brats three whole years to learn. You will have the privilege to learn what is embedded in their brains in two days. You must do this," Levi stated with a hard expression, "otherwise, you will wish you never woke from your nightmare. We start tomorrow at dawn." Without looking back, Levi existed the tent.

"Luz?" Luz didn't pay attention to the voice calling her as she also left the tent. She was only aware of her feet moving until they stopped, across a stream. She could see the stones reflected against the water. At the corner of her eye, she saw Levi looking at the stream as well. Neither of them said anything. Both of them left each person to their own thoughts and feelings…and the nightmares that plagued them.

* * *

**Thank you for reading this long chapter! I have a question for all the readers, people who favorited and followed this story though. Do you like Luz? Do you hate her? Is there anything I do to improve this story? Please reply if you have an answer. Again, thank you for reading.**


	6. Stupid Believer

_Stupid Believer_

The brat was good, Levi would give her that much. _Damn patient too, _Levi thought to himself as he watched as the brat used the hooks from the 3D Maneuver Gear for make-shift target practice against a tree. Luz had been surprisingly eager to learn how to use the device once the long-ass detour was done and over with. He and his squad had almost been apprehended by the fucking Military Police, and he had made an agreement with that fat-ass pig Reeves. _This plan better goddamn work, _Levi thought as he absent-mindedly gazed at the clouds. _Otherwise… _

He thought about the last time he had obeyed Erwin's orders; to stay exactly where he was and replenish his gas and his blades. During that time, Levi's entire squad minus Eren had been slaughtered. Petra's body in particular had shaken him deep inside. He could still see the streaks of blood on the tree, her pale face facing him, her amber eyes vacant… Perhaps he could have saved his squad. But he had told himself that the past was the past. He must move on. Their deaths would only give him strength. Why then did he feel at times, when no one was looking, sleepless at night and staring at nothingness, that he had a hole in his heart? _Otherwise…all of this…would have been for nothing._

He continued to observe Luz as she continued to work the 3D Maneuver Gear. She had been with Levi and squad during those shitty hours. Since her failure to transform into a Titan, she had been subdued and had a vacant look in her eyes. Almost as if she was dead. Now she looked alive again. _Imagine if I told her that Titans were originally fucking humans. Then she would realize who the monsters truly are. _Levi could tell that Luz was feeling remorse for all the humans she had eaten. Hell, he knew what it felt like to feel remorse. She could not allow the guilt to eat her inside until there was nothing left, however. Otherwise, Luz would become an empty shell. Levi suspected that Armin had told her similar words last night. That boy was shockingly kind for the shit-hole word he was in, although Levi could already see signs of ruthlessness overtaking him. _Just like… _Levi pushed the thought away. He had thought too much about her today.

"Levi?" He turned to find Luz standing not far from where he was standing. Her short dark hair was damp with sweat and sliding across her face, and her two hands were gripping the blades tightly, as if she was afraid to let them go. Although no one had appeared to notice before, Levi could see numerous callouses on Luz's hands and fingers. Her hands were hard and muscular…and not from illegal 3D Maneuver Gear usage.

_She's not just good, _Levi thought as he remembered the numerous times he had been sent to observe the brats with their 3D Maneuver Gear during his time in the Survey Corps. _She's a natural. _Levi had worked her ass off to the point of exhaustion, and yet she was still standing and able to train. He also observed that when he taught her hand-to-hand combat, she had almost managed to overpower him. Her blows and hits still stung, especially against his dumbass healing leg. _Although her memory hasn't returned, her body remembers everything that she had learned as a soldier from the past. And I stopped her stupid halting sentences too. That was fucking trying my patience. _

"What?" he stated shortly.

"Why did you hide who you truly are?"

Levi stared at her, hard. "What the hell do you mean, brat?"

"Everyone seems to think you're a cold person. A person without any emotions or feelings." Her blue eyes peered into his own. _Soulful, _was Levi's only thought. They seemed to peer into him, as if knowing everything hidden inside. "A person who isn't human," she whispered.

"That I am," Levi said in a bored tone. He watched her as her eyes followed the flowing grass, no longer meeting his face. At the sound of his cold words, Luz shook her head.

"No, you're not." Before Levi could retort, she started speaking in a quiet tone.

"You're not like him, _Heichō_." The title that Levi despised, and the title Levi had demanded her _not _to call him, came from her mouth. At first, anger poured out of him. His hands were calm despite wanting to punch some sense into this stupid fucking little girl. Then it dissipated, turning into an emotion he never thought he would feel again. Grief. _"Heichō…"_

He was aware of the brat speaking to him, but instead it was as if another person was standing in her place. Copper hair with amber eyes flashed, and again he could hear her laugh that he had adored. He saw her smile, and felt her soft touches that calmed him when nothing else could. Levi felt her kisses against his aching mouth, so real, so _real_, as if he could touch her again. "You're not like Erwin Smith." She closed her eyes. "I can see how much you care for your squad, even when your actions say otherwise. You told me that you would have killed me if I eaten your squad…and Armin told me that you don't like unnecessary deaths. You hate it when people die in vain."

Levi watched as she clenched and unclenched her fists. Her eyes conveyed the sadness she held inside. Sadness…that he felt inside his own heart. _How could she…? _"You portray yourself as a human without feelings when in fact you feel every loss of life. Erwin Smith…he notices the deaths around him, but he feels nothing. He sees the people around him as sacrifices to advance humanity…nothing more."

"Enough," Levi spat. "Erwin feels the weight of those deaths as much I do." He glared. "Didn't your little boyfriend teach you anything about this fucked-up world? This world is nothing but cruel. Morals don't matter here. They don't evenexist." He was aware of the unchecked emotion coming from him, and said quietly, "Those who can't give up on their humanity can't change anything. Sacrifices happen every time I go outside the Walls. I can't tell you how many times I've watched comrades die in front of my eyes. I don't feel anything anymore," he lied. He swallowed the pain in his throat.

"I'm prepared to sacrifice anyone for the sake of humanity, just as Erwin is. I'm the true monster here. Not you." He saw the astonished look on her face when he said those words. Levi looked away as tears started trailing down her cheeks. _The guilt is eating away at her, and fucking Eren Yeager isn't helping. _The argument had occurred after he and his squad had rescued Jean and Armin the day before. Levi didn't have the shittiest idea what it was about, but it had caused Eren to scream at Luz. _"No one wants you here, you fucking monster!" _Levi gazed at the pathetic girl in front of him. Didn't he tell her that all that mattered was how she thought about herself, and not how other people thought of her?

"That's not true," Luz whispered. Tears were continuing to frame her face. "I'm…the real monster, not you. You know that," she rasped. "I killed and killed so many people. I'm unable to sleep because all their faces and screams haunt me. I feel like a monster, because I killed so many people and ripped their lives away. I watched them _die_." A shudder went through her. "You're not a monster, because you kill to protect people who you don't even know, and you carry death inside you as if they were your own. You are human, not like – "

"Listen to yourself, you shitty brat." Levi stated. "You tell me that _I'm _human because of I feel the deaths of my comrades and don't see them as stupid fodder. What about you?" He walked towards her and gripped her shoulders with his hands. "You feel every death you had caused when you were a Titan. Doesn't that make you human? A monster is someone who feels _nothing_ from their actions, no matter what the actions may be." _Like him. _"No, go." Levi barked. "Another set of thirty exercises using your 3D Maneuver Gear." The girl nodded, and as she disappeared into the distance, Levi had a memory of another young woman who had asked those very same questions that Luz had asked. _"Why must you always be so strong, Heichō?"_

_ Petra…_

* * *

"Levi-_heichō_?!" Luz watched as Levi held Historia up above the ground, his hands around her throat. Luz's breath was in her throat as she too watched in silence as Levi used his hands to make Historia obey his order. Luz had been stunned as the other members of Levi's squad when Levi told them that the Reiss family was the true royal blood, and that Historia would be ascending the throne as the queen to achieve their goals. The bewildered faces of the squad had become shocked, none more than Historia's.

"_I…can't."_ Historia had whispered. A flash appeared before Luz's eyes.

_Fire and flames were engulfing the city. The buildings were cracking, falling apart, and screams and gunshots whispered in the air compared to the sounds of violence. Suddenly, a man with a bloodied uniform and matted hair stepped on an overturned car, yelling and screaming in a language that she didn't understanding. The blood-soaked fingers gripped a head, its dark green eyes vacant and glassy, and its mouth open for flies to come in. The blond hair was unmistakable. The president of the United States of America had been assassinated. Washington had fallen… _

"It seems this is your fate." Luz blinked, her heart in her throat as she witnessed yet another violent scene. The decapitated head with its gaping eyes flashed through her mind as Historia fell to the floor, gasping for breath when Levi let her go. Luz stood motionless as the members of Levi's squad rushed to Historia's aid, and as Jean yelled at Levi. _This world…has no morals, does it?_

"What do you guys think you're doing tomorrow?" Levi asked. He didn't seem bothered by the hateful glances aimed towards him. "That you're going to eat your meals tomorrow? That you'll be able to sleep tomorrow…is that what you're thinking?" Luz watched Levi silently. His eyes bored into everyone's around him. "The next person to you…will be standing there tomorrow?" She watched as he met her eyes briefly. "I don't think that." As he started to speak, Luz felt herself losing herself in what he was saying. _He's saying… _

She watched the hateful glances toward him as Historia shouted that she would follow them; she would be queen. Luz remembered what he told her the day before. _"A monster is someone who feels _nothing_ from their actions, no matter what the actions may be." He has to be strong, to be rough, _Luz thought as she watched the disgusted faces of his squad disappear behind the door. _Otherwise, they would see his weakness…who he truly is, and they wouldn't follow him. _As she and the members of Levi's squad hid from the Military Police, Luz silently followed the angry conversation around her.

"Levi-_heichō _is probably going to use physical force to get anyone to things his way – just like what he did to Historia!" _Even though they're talking about him…why does it feel like _I'm _the one they disapprove of? _Luz felt only annoyance for the words that were said, and she steadily felt anger seep inside her as the members continued to speak against their superior. _Why…do I care what they say about him? He wouldn't even care._

"Even though he was acting so accommodating towards the Reeves Company! What he did scared the life out of Historia…he must want to do the same once she becomes queen so that she would still obey his every command!"

"You're wrong." Sasha and Connie turned towards her. Luz was surprised by how much anger was coming out of her lips. She could see the shocked faces and the ones that were sneering at her.

"Do you like him or something?" Connie yelled. "He doesn't care about us! We're just _pawns_ to him!"

"You're wrong," she repeated. Her blue eyes glinted like ice. Her voice became dangerously calm. "Levi is doing this because he cares for us." Stunned silence was the answer. "Didn't hear what he said? "'I'm counting on you, Historia.'" If he meant to kill her, he would have. I'm not saying what he did was right," she added when she saw the furious faces. "Levi is good man, even though his actions state otherwise. He _had _to force Historia to become queen, because otherwise all the sacrifices people have made to fight Titans would be in vain. She is the key to make that happen. If she didn't accept, all the sacrifices that…everyone made would be in _vain_."

"Armin once told me that a person who can't give up on anything can't change anything." She saw Armin and Jean nodding. The others watched her, uncertainty in their eyes. She sighed. "Levi…is willing to sacrifice his humanity so that no one else has to," Luz stated slowly. "He doesn't want anyone else to die, and that includes all of _us_. He trusts us to carry out our role, as he trusts Historia to carry out her role." Her eyes followed the members of Levi's squad for a moment. She could see understanding in some eyes. In others, Luz saw suspicion and even disgust. "I don't know if this the right decision," she stated to half to herself and half to the others.

_All I know… _"You don't have to agree with me." _All I know…is that… _"I'm just a stupid believer," Luz whispered. "I believe in Levi, and I believe in his choices. I believe that he cares for us. All I know that we have to trust him, and hope that our choice will be the one we regret the least."

No one said anything for a moment. Then someone began to laugh softly.

"You're different, Luz." Armin said with laughing eyes. "Before…you used to cower before us, and speak in halting sentences. You even believed you were what we said you were. Now, you're…someone I like Levi-_heichō_ would be proud of."

"I still think she likes him," Connie mumbled. "Who would like a guy like _that_?"

"We have to make a choice," Mikasa stated softly. "If we go with short and shorter, we might live. If we don't, we die."

The others made their choices. They decided to trust in Levi, and waited for him. Luz could feel the squad's eyes following her. They seemed to notice a difference in her that neither of them knew existed. _All I know… _Luz thought as she scanned the sky, _is that I have to trust in Levi. I don't believe in myself, but I believe in him and his will. I want to thank you, Levi. Without your words, I certainly wouldn't have survived. I may just be a stupid believer…but that's okay with me._


	7. Gunshot

_Gunshot_

All was quiet. There was no movement or sound. Luz and the others were patiently waiting. Their disguises hadn't been seen through yet, although Luz thought it would be only a matter of time before their true identities would be revealed. She had overheard along with the others that the Survey Corps were now considered enemies of the Military Police with Erwin Smith for the murder of one of their allies, Dimo Reeves. _"It's just a ploy to eradicate the opposition," _Armin had stated quietly before deciding what to do.

"_They actually don't care about advancing humanity or protecting the Walls, or even the Titans. All they care about is themselves. That's why we're doing this. So people don't have to be stumbling in the dark anymore." _Some had openly asked why Luz was even following the Survey Corps, or for anyone for that matter. It had been nothing for hell for her, they said. She supposed that was the closest to an apology for their actions that she would get. The questions stopped when she told them of her resolve. _"I don't know if this is the right decision. You don't have to agree with me. I'm just a stupid believer. I believe in Levi, and I believe in his choices. I believe that he cares for us. All I know that we have to trust him, and hope that our choice will be the one we regret the least."_

Now Luz thought of the man behind it all. _"Erwin feels the weight of those deaths as much I do."_ Erwin Smith had been arrested, and could be executed at any time. She remembered what Levi had said about him. _Levi… _She wondered where Levi was now. He was late, and the acknowledgement of the fact made her stomach churn inside. He had been assigned with the task of rescuing Eren and Historia. _Something must have happened. _Levi was openly acknowledged as Humanity's Strongest Soldier, and despite despising the title, Luz with her limited experience knew that was true. He had trained her, after all. She remembered those harrowing two days, always worked to the point of exhaustion, and Levi as inanimate as the trees before him as he told her to _"get up damn it, and do it again." _She remembered the conversation they had, and of what he had said when her training was complete._ "You did good," _he stated briefly. Luz hadn't been certain what she had felt at first when he told her those words. She had felt…something. The emotion made her almost shed tears again as it continued to spread through her heart, and it was only now that she realized what it was.

It was _joy_. Levi had been the first person to acknowledge her as a human being. He had thought of her as someone of his own race, and not a monster…even when he knew the truth. _I ate a thousand faces. I saw them die. _He had told her what a monster was. He made her feel human. Luz was aware that after forcing Historia to comply with his demands, no one in his squad acknowledged him as human.

"_You're wrong," _Luz had whispered. No one had given a backward glance to Levi when he had left. Not even she had done that. Now, she realized that the words he had stated to her could only be the last thing she had left of him. Her heart clenched at the thought. _"Even the strongest fall, brother." _The words echoed in her head, burrowing in her brain. She had no recollection of saying those words, and yet she recognized the person saying them as her own voice. It seemed softer and lighter, and also sweeter in a way. _That time… _Luz thought as she remembered the flashes she had previously. The face that looked eerily like hers echoed in her mind. _Could they…be from…my past? _As she thought about the fact that Levi could be dead, Luz was aware of how her heart grew cold. Her fists clenched, and she swallowed thickly, attempting to halt the fear growing inside her. _Levi…_

Luz's blue eyes opened in shock when she heard a sound blasting in her ears. For a moment, Luz felt she was apart of a different world. _I've heard this before, _she thought. As the sound echoed closer and closer, Luz realized what it was. _Gunfire. _Her eyes widened at the memory. The horse she was riding didn't make a sound as the gunfire neared ever closer. As Luz followed the disbelief of the squad, her eyes wandered over to a two-carriage wagon carrying the precious cargo as it went passed. Luz held her breath as she and the others waited to ambush, knowing now that Levi was unable to. Luz's heart started to frantically thump against her chest.

She turned her head from the sight, and her mouth opened, soundless, as she saw Levi fighting against another human being. She saw that he had a wound that was still oozing blood covering half his face, as his opponent meant to kill him. Luz felt her blood run cold when she saw the weapon wielded. _A gun_, she thought numbly. An image of dark rain against a night sky assaulted her senses as she witnessed as Levi killed the man in front of him, almost slicing his torso from his legs. Luz was aware of the shocked and stunned faces in front of her, but she was too far gone to make any meaning of them.

_A young man – no, a boy, was trembling in front of her. She could see the terrified expression on his face, tears and rain mixing together as he pleaded with her. He kept on begging her to let her go, pleading with her that he wanted to see his family again. Luz couldn't see her own face, but she _felt _the emotion. She understood that she was desperately trying to hold her emotions together. The weapon felt heavy in her hands as the boy's labored breathing assaulted her ears. She could sense of how much she loved this boy. Of how her heart was shattering into tiny pieces as she firmed her resolve. Of how her name rose to his lips as she shot him, once, twice with her gun. As his blood streamed on the ground. Of how she desperately failed to forget his face. _

Luz was aware of herself once more as Levi landed into the cart. "Stop following the casket wagon. Our movements have been seen through." Luz took a chance to look at him more closely as he spoke to them. Although his face was somewhat pale his eyes were clear and his expression calm as he explained that they would have to abandon Eren and Historia. The aura of rage from Mikasa almost overshadowed everything else as Levi gave them orders. _Eren is always on her mind, _Luz thought. _Everyone could die…but she wouldn't care, as long as Eren is by her side. _She had a memory of what Armin had told her of Mikasa. _"I think...she would sacrifice everything and perhaps everyone if it meant Eren was safe." _She remembered the sad smile on his face after he said those words. Luz grew steadily angry at the girl in front of her as she remembered hearing Armin crying in his sleep after he had been traumatized after almost not escaping capture. Of how it was Jean how comforted him, tenderly understanding. Not his two best friends. _Eren…is not the only one that matters! _Her thoughts were still clouded in anger when Levi's orders were directed to her. "Mikasa, Luz, and I will support the escape with our 3D Maneuver Gear." Levi's gray eyes bored into theirs, a serious glint in his eyes. "When you can kill the enemy, kill. Understood?"

"Yes, Levi." She thought about the body of the child she had killed over 107 years ago. Her eyes were wide open now. She saw his face before her now. The face that looked uncannily like her own. _If I could kill then, I can do it now, but this time I…_

"Understood," Mikasa intoned. Luz and Mikasa abandoned their horses as they joined Levi in the battle in the air. He was the one who did most of the killing, and another memory from her past surfaced in her mind. _Bodies were everywhere. She walked across them, stepped on them, her shoes squishing against blood and internal organs. Flies were feasting on most bodies. Some were bloated and seeping the sweet smell of death. Others had limbs awkwardly bent or not at all. Eyes of gold, of blue, of green, and of brown echoed against her empty gaze. She was numb. She had seen this countless times before. So many times… _Her heart leaped into her mouth when Luz saw one of the enemies escaped and aimed the gun on Armin.

"Armin!" Luz was fast, but Mikasa was faster. She kicked the enemy out of Armin's way, where the person landed into the cart and in front of Jean. Luz heard Jean scream at the person in front of him, shaking as he aimed the gun at the human being. She heard his conviction before, and she heard it again now. _Jean…_ Luz watched, as if time had stopped, as Jean's gun was knocked out of his hands. _Jean, you are not meant for this world. _He lied there, helpless. His eyes widened as the gun was pointed towards him. _Her fingers shook as she aimed the gun towards his heart. She heard the sound of gunshots. One. She heard the sound of her name on his lips as the bullet embedded into his chest. Two. The other went straight through his head, blood seeping from the single shot. The gunshots echoed darkly, haunting her as the lifeblood of that boy poured out of him as two bullets embedded in him. _

"JEAN!"

A mountain of blood echoed against her eyes as a gunshot rang out. _Blood. There was nothing but blood._

* * *

**Now that this story has caught up to the manga, I have an announcement to make. Depending on how the chapters go, I will be updating a chapter once or twice a month. I hope you don't mind the shorter chapters. Now that Luz's memories are becoming more frequent, when would you like her to completely regain her memories? Tell me in the reviews please. Thank you for reading!**


	8. Losing Humanity

**Spoilers for Ch. 59.**

* * *

_Losing Humanity_

Luz remembered of how the enemy's eyes widened in surprise as she died. Her eyes locked onto Jean's for a brief moment, before the life in her eyes faded away, and as her body fell out of the wagon and onto the ground. Luz felt shock coursing through her veins as she had witnessed Armin killing another human being for the sake of Jean's survival. She had watched as the woman's blood had sprayed through the air, and the_ determination_ in Armin's eyes. Jean tried to look at Armin after what had happened, but the young man was focused on his task. Since arriving in the small isolated barn, Jean hadn't spoken to anyone as he sat morosely on the floor. Armin was still outside. Luz could hear his cries. _Killing for the sake of protecting a comrade, _Luz thought. The child who had begged for her to spare him ran through her mind, numbing her as she thought of how heartless her former self had been. _Armin is a good person. _Her blue eyes glanced back and forth to the people she now recognized as her comrades, noting of how silent they were as if to honor Armin's pain. _I, however… _Levi's wounds had been cleaned and bandaged. Although he had refused, Sasha had insisted on stitching the small cuts across his body. He relented, and Luz had admired of how he hadn't made a sound when the needle and thread coursed through his broken skin. Luz tore her gaze from Levi and watched as Mikasa approached the barn door to comfort Armin from his pain.

"Wait, Mikasa." Mikasa stopped and turned towards Luz, her expression slightly annoyed as the young woman spoke. There was a command in her voice that the people in this room had only heard once before. Luz was aware of how Jean's hazel eyes widened when she crouched down in front of him. "You're the one who should comfort him," she stated to the guilt-ridden man.

"But…Armin doesn't want to talk to me." Jean's voice was barely audible, and the shame and guilt in his eyes spoke volumes. "He doesn't want to talk to me," he whispered again. "I'm such a failure. Why…me? I'm the one who caused him to be in this damn situation in the first place!" At the last words, swollen tears appeared from Jean's eyes and streaked down his face as he started to tremble. _He's afraid, _Luz realized as Jean continued to cry. _He's afraid that Armin will denounce him as coward that he feels he is. You're not a coward, Jean. _Luz thought as she continued to stand motionless in front of the shaking man in front of her. _You still have humanity left in you._

"Because you're the only one who can possibly understand what he's going through right now." Shocked hazel orbs met hers, and her eyes glanced down onto the tears across his face. "Comfort him, Jean. I know he'll understand." Jean closed his eyes for a moment. He roughly wiped away his tears and stood. A sudden touch of Luz's shoulder caused her to look up at the much taller man. He whispered thank you to her, the words conveying the guilt and sorrow he held inside. Then without a backward glance, the troubled man walked outside. No one spoke after that moment. Luz could feel everyone's eyes on her, questions in their gazes. Her mind was overwhelmed by Jean's touch, hearing his hoarse thank you in her ears. It caused a stir in her heart. A long-ago memory of having another boy's arms around her. Dark hair framed his face, and her eyes stared back at her. _Now he truly is a child, _Luz thought as she increasingly became enveloped in the memory. She could sense that she was not much taller than him. She could sense her small child hands griping him tightly, as if she was not willing to let him go. _"I'll never let anything hurt you, little sister." _The child started to cry, and it was at that moment that Luz's heart stopped. _It's... _Everything shattered into little tiny pieces.

"Luz." The sound of her name caused the memory to fade away. She could see Levi's eyes stare at her curiously with annoyance in his gaze. The others stared at her, stunned.

"What?" She was aware of how her voice seemed unlike her own. Raspy, drugged with sleep. She turned her bleary eyes on Levi.

"You were singing," he stated in a monotone voice. "In the most guttural and teeth-grinding…speech I've ever heard." He paused. "It was entertaining though."

* * *

The night was soundless. The moon shone through the sky, and the darkness was omnipotent enough that Luz couldn't see anything visible around her before Levi had made the fire. She and several of her comrades, including Armin and Jean, were illuminated in its light. She had listened silently as Levi voiced his concern for Armin in his own way of speaking, and now observed the communication between Jean and Armin. _Their bond will never break, _Luz thought as she witnessed the newly forced intimacy between them. She thought about how their gazes between each other spoke what words could convey, and saw Jean hesitating with a heartbroken expression as Armin waited for his answer.

"Before she opened fire, she hesitated, right?" Levi said.

"Oh…" Armin's blue eyes widened at his words as he took in what he said. Shock and horror coursed through his face in waves.

"Armin…" Jean too was suffering through this horror. His eyes were tightly closed, and an agonized expression scarred his face. "I'm sorry," he whispered hoarsely. "I should've been the one to shoot under those circumstances."

"You're right," Armin stated slowly. He glanced at Jean, an expression grief in his eyes. "The one who perished under my actions…must have been a kind person. She had more morality than me." Jean was staring at Armin open-mouthed, words wanting to escape but couldn't. As he continued to stare at his friend, Luz could see his expression of sorrow turn into one of anger.

"Armin – " Desperation echoed in his voice as it failed him. He gritted his teeth. "Goddamn it. _I _was the one who was supposed to save you…but you saved me again." Jean sighed. "You have no idea what kind of self-_loathing _I had for myself as you took the burden that was meant for me." His hazel eyes became determined, and he grasped Armin's hands in his own. "I promise you, I will protect you, and you won't have to bear my burden ever again."

"Armin." Levi's voice cut through the night. "Your hands have already been dirtied. There is no going back." His gray eyes searched Armin's, his voice conveying no emotion. _He's right, _Luz thought as she heard the gunshot from 107 years ago. _There is no going back. The one I killed… _"Just try to accept your new self. If your hands had stayed clean, Jean wouldn't be sitting with us right now. The reason why you pulled the trigger is because you were witnessing your friend's imminent death. You were smart, you knew at that moment at that moment a half-assed decision or action wouldn't save anyone." Levi paused for a moment, letting his words sink in. For a brief moment, Luz's and Levi's eyes met. "And you were also very clear…that if either lost supplies, horses, or companions…our future would become even bleaker." A surprising gentle tone emerged from him as he stared with new respect for Armin in his eyes. "Armin, because you dirtied your hands, we were able to escape. Thank you." _He says thank you many times, _Luz observed as she remembered the scene with Historia. _Now they see who he truly is, _Luz thought as she witnessed the others' expressions as Jean spoke. _Kind, compassionate, and human. Levi, _she thought with surprising fondness, _you truly are better than me._

"Even I cannot say which decision which would've been correct," Levi stated. "We can never predict the results of this kind of situation…was your choice really wrong?"

As the others stared at their leader in shock and confusion, Luz slowly burrowed into herself as she comprehended his question. _What would he think of that time? _Luz thought, the intensity of her anxiety shocking her. _What do I…think of myself?_

"As long as you kill a person in order to protect someone," Luz stated softly in the fire, "I think taking a life is justified." She stopped, feeling the stares. She felt Levi's most of all, and ignored the pounding in her chest as she spoke, hesitantly that time. "I...killed not to protect anyone. In my former life, I was a soldier from a long time ago. Only," she stated with a slight tremor, "I saved no one. I didn't kill for anyone. I killed just for the benefit of myself."

Luz was aware that the cool wind was seeping through her limbs, but she still did not leave from the fire or from Levi. Her leader was staring into the fire, his expression unreadable. They were alone. Luz lifted her head and looked at the sky. The moon was shining, and two stars gave off their light.

"Do you remember what I said?" Levi asked her. He was looking at her now, his expression surprisingly soft. "_A monster is someone who feels _nothing_ from their actions, no matter what the actions may be."_ She nodded. "Don't forget it. Otherwise, you'll forget who you are."

"You're very kind, Levi," Luz whispered to him. Again, fondness spread through her as she stared at this man. His eyes narrowed. "You present yourself as uncaring and cruel, but you're actually kind and caring."

"You mean I'm weak," he countered. A raspy tone that Luz had only heard when he had talked about his squad when she had been lost and dead inside appeared. "I have to show this side to them. Otherwise, how would they follow me?"

Luz smiled for a moment before it faded. "You're a better human than me," she whispered. Sudden tears stung her eyes, and she sniffed as they rolled down her cheeks. "You killed to protect. I…" She watched as Levi observed her, his eyes calm as he watched her unravel. "I'm not certain of what I did. All I know is that there's a part of me that doesn't _want _to remember." The boy's bloody face flashed through her mind, causing her to shudder. "Is the truth…really better than pretending to be human? I killed and killed so many times just to save myself. Ever since we escaped from the Military Police," she stated as she remembered broken memories haunting her mind. "The memories are coming back more…and more. And every time I killed," she whispered as loneliness and despair washed through her, "I killed only to save myself."

"Who did you kill?"

Levi's words caused another stream of tears. Luz felt her heart breaking, and held her hands together in vain to stop them shaking. She opened her swollen eyes, and saw that Levi had no malice towards her. No hatred. No judgment. _Levi…thank you._ "Mothers…fathers….brothers and sisters." Her heart clenched as she came closer to the truth. "Sons…daughters…and grandchildren." A sob clawed at her throat. "I killed…I killed my brother." Shaking sobs escaped from her gaping mouth as realized the truth. A moan expanded through her chest. "I killed my brother!" Although her shout echoed through the night and through the sky, Levi did not reprehend her. Instead, he walked over to her and embraced her. Luz gasped as she felt his arms around her, holding her. His grip was strong, and she felt his hands through her thick hair. She heard his heartbeat against her chest, and Luz thought she hadn't heard a more beautiful sound. Tears filled her eyes again, and they dripped onto his shoulder as they kept coming, never ceasing. Somehow though, Luz did not feel ashamed.

"I killed my brother," she whimpered against him.

She felt free.


	9. Becuase of You

**Spoilers for Ch. 60.**

* * *

_Because of You_

Luz could still feel Levi's warmth as she watched as Levi stood before the captured member of the Central Military Police. She could still remember of his arms, surprisingly strong and tender, holding her as she wept. _"I killed…I killed my brother." _The words she had painstakingly uttered echoed in her mind again. Luz remembered of how agonizing pain had coursed through her as she had finally admitted the truth.

_I killed my brother, _she thought again. _The child that I had killed…the one that had pleaded with me, and begged for me to spare him was my brother. _Her grip on the sword tightened as Luz remembered that night of so long ago. _No wonder my mind was trying to protect me. No wonder I felt despair and agony as I remembered the memory that had caused me to feel so much guilt and remorse. My brother was…the most precious person to me. _

Levi had helped elevate the emotional agony. It somehow had felt as if the pain and sorrow Luz had caged inside was nothing to be ashamed of. He made her feel that everything was alright, and that everything that would come to pass would also be. Luz had no idea how long she had cried. She could barely see through her swollen eyes, and was almost driven to tears again when she saw of how Levi did not judge her. He did not ask for her to explain what had happened to cause her to kill her brother. His gray eyes showed nothing of the judgment she had seen in so many eyes. He did not speak when she sat down next to him again, motionless and silent, until she had whispered good night to him. She did not hear Levi reply.

Luz had observed silently as Levi and Mikasa apprehended two Military Police members the next day. They appeared to be only a minimal threat, and Luz was surprised when Levi stated that the two would become their new comrades who would help them locate the Central Military Police headquarters. It had become clear early in the ambush that Eren and Historia were not hidden in the base as what was previously thought, but Levi had captured one of the Central Military Police members for interrogation.

She watched the said man as he stood with contempt at the man bleeding before him. _I wonder…what made me kill the one person I cared most about?_ Luz heard the man gagging and coughing, blood coating his mouth as Levi continued kicking his foot into his mouth. Unlike the other time with Historia, no one said a word against it. Luz heard the man begin to speak, contempt also in his voice as he spoke to Levi and the others.

"I'm telling you…whatever you've done…the only thing you Survey Corps troops can do…is to run around inside this damn wall!" His voice reached a higher octave, slightly cracking from the intensity of the mockery and scorn in his screams. "Roll around in mud and struggle to live, that's all!" His breathing became more ragged, and his eyes squinted at Levi in front of him. "And in all that, sacrificing your own comrades! So you can't blame the world for treating you like that based upon how you've acted!" As the man continued, Luz began to feel anger burn within her.

She felt disgust for the man cowering against the tree, and watched as Levi stood still with an emotionless gaze. _Sacrifice…? _Her fingers curled into fists. _What does he know about _sacrifice_? What…does he know what any of us have been through? _Her mind shifted through the memories when Armin had told her about his world, telling her about the death and destruction that had plagued him and his friends at such a young age. She thought of herself, wide-eyed and with her mouth open in a soundless scream as she witnessed the numbers of dead surrounding the battlefield, gruesome wounds across their lifeless bodies. She thought of how she and her team had infiltrated a town searching for survivors after a recent bombardment by Russia, and finding nothing but debris and blood and soot. Bodies were everywhere, and Luz remembered of how she had found a body of a three year old girl holding onto a frayed doll. She looked so peaceful, as if she was sleeping. The arms of her brother, enveloping her in the comfort that she craved. And then… _"I can't let you do this…I just can't…" _The sound of her brother's body falling onto the ground, the blood on her hands.

She listened as the Central Military Police member said of how Erwin Smith would pay for their actions, as he was the person that had started the idea of overthrow of the government. Something Levi had said echoed in Luz's mind. _How ironic it would be that a person sacrificing everything for humanity was killed by humanity._ Luz's thoughts abruptly stopped when she heard the Central Military Police's next words. "Unless of course…we take your head instead of Erwin's. I'm certain you could save the lives of your comrades that way. Save the lives of your other comrades…in exchange of your own. "

Luz's breathing stopped, and her blood ran cold. _What…? _She wasn't aware of the world around her. She wasn't even aware of herself. Why was it so hard to breathe? Why couldn't she move? Speak?

Against her will, she saw the memory of soldier carrying the head of the American president. His gaping eyes drowned in her own. Blood coated on the assassin's fingers. Then suddenly, it wasn't the American president's anymore. _Levi… _His eyes were open, as expressionless as ever. She could see blood dripping on the corner of his mouth, and Luz couldn't understand _what _she was feeling. Too many emotions were agonizing her mind as she continued to stare at the decapitated head. Sickness started to spread through her, and she fought the urge to vomit. Luz felt she was dying, again. It felt as if her brother had died again. The brother that had died by her hand. Only the feeling was worse. A hundred times worse. _Levi…no. _

Luz's body stopped shaking when she became aware of her body again. She could breathe again. Her body became warm, and she wasn't aware of her tears until she tasted them. _Levi…thank you. You refused him. I'm…sorry I feel this way. _From Sasha's shout and the slight glare of the weapons, Luz observed that the Military Police had found them. She could see the others preparing for an attack. She too prepared lifted her sword, her gazing never leaving Levi's as the man spoke to him.

"I told you…_Heichō_…it's too late. You're dead…"

_"It was an honor serving with you all, sons and daughters of __Deutschland. Now it is time for us to make our last stand."_

_ Levi...I..._


End file.
